my worth is not to be judged by you

Saturday, March 15, 2008

i want you to understand that when
i ask you something. it means i already know
when you deny it, i will pretend that i dont know.

like you, i dont want to disappoint people.
so i try my best to give them what they want
thats why when i asked if you were tired,
i knew you were, but you said no.
not wanting to disappoint me. but,
i did not want to shove your efforts away.

im sorry.
know that when you say i did not understand you,
i was disappointed way beyond everything,
not with you but with me.

and when i dont say certain things,
and i turn and leave, each time,
i put weights upon my heart and hear my fears
cause i know, if i turn back and put you in my arms,
i wont let go. i wont bear to. cause i know, next time
we meet, will be a long time away.

today, would be the first month.
the surface seems calm but the undercurrent is
deadlier than any i've seen.
but i dont want to lose faith.

faith, it's hard to believe im actually thinking this,
if you want to know that i do care,
believe in me, have faith. that's all i ask.
i dont want to leave you alone,
i dont want to make you feel used, deprived,
disrespected or any sort of negetive feelings.
cause i feel them all, all the time.

i believe in you.
as much as i hope you'd believe in me
doubt anything. but us, and me.
know that i care, know that i respect you
and most of all, know that im true.

thickening the mask and nourishing the devil@ {4:38 AM}

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