im buring, more than ever
i can feel something churning
i need something to vent
but i've already got my knuckles
bruised.

i cant take this i need to feel it
i feel like i dont have a place
where i can rest. i want this damn
nightmare to end..
you know i love you char

but i wished i havent gone
to yj at all
i wished i had stayed the fuck
away from it..

i wished we never knew each other
cause of all the pain i made you see

i wished i had never known
CTG 125
cause of all the arrogance i put off

i wished i haven knew shan and becks
cause the moment we met,
shan had to place trust in me
and becks had to hear my whine.

i wished i had never grown this way
and i have never seen the worst point
of my life.

my stomach cringes everytime.
i cannot breathe.
i am hungry but i cannot eat
i dont feel like..

i cant take my own life into hand
not anymore

i can only say sorry. for everything..
i have nothing to be proud of
and i hope you hear my words
cause i feel that soon, we will
no longer be this close.. prove me
wrong, that my 18th
birthday will be like any other.

and i hope that when i look back,
i can remember you guys and think
how beautiful all of you were
and how much my life changed
during the course of knowing you all

i have no regrets knowing you all
but i have erred... i made your life
bitter.

my life was cursed from the beginning
i had to come into this world to suffer
look, abortion medicine didnt work
my brother jumped on the tummy
it didnt work.

mayb i am not cut out to live
i always try to make my life better,
to make people around me happy but
things always turn out badly.

i am not trying to hurt myself by
punching the walls... cause my hand
doesnt feel the hurt at all..
it's just swollen. im sorry for making
you guys angry or disappointted
im still a kid, just a kid and one that
has no faith..