Monday, April 16, 2007
What Am I?yeah. so now, i have been thinking,for years, i have been coursing through life,taking advantage of kindness, and returning some..but do i really know the purpose of everything i do?what is it that draws me to certain things?what am i made of that sometimes, i feel vulnerable yet strong.oxymoronic signals that my mind gives me.things that i say hurt others,and yet things that i say hurt me..as they seem to point my finger directly, at me.i love to behave as though there was no yesterday,as if there was no tommorrow,only now, the present.i feel like life brings people in and out.but no one wants to stay cause i'm me.there's this strange darkness that has already engulfed me,is it me? or others that feel the same?oh so many kind words i've heard from me,after i felt that i've said one too many nasty words,my being present only confuses me and others,i don't know what to do, i never knew..yet, i pretend like i did,i pretend that i had an aim, i had a goal.nothing makes sense to me,my heart feels cold, numb from the icy world.my soul feels like it's disintegrating,from the onslaughts of fury and fires of hell.i wasn't born with anything, i wasn't born with the ability to speak,i wasn't born knowing how to play,nor did i have the slightest knowledge of anything.but yet, i have grown ,grown to be the devilish me,the me that demons adore.why is it that you can't take me away now?free me from me,take me away when i still have most of my nothing left,don't take me when i have built an affection with me,with the me that has worked and slogged my guts,just to get what i would have.be it riches or a lover,be it power or respect,i don't want to live until i have all that,and have to part leaving everything behind,and passing the glory on to someone else.and up till now,i still have no idea what am i,what i'll be, what made me the way i am,and how i was able to survive in this heartless world,the heartless world that i might have loved,heartless world and a heartless me.
thickening the mask and nourishing the devil@ {12:04 AM}
