my worth is not to be judged by you

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Stories that became history.

Life sure holds a million and one suprises.
But somehow, i hate these suprises, they pounce when you're not looking
but it's never for fun, most of the time, it will leave you in shambles
and you wouldn't even know what in the blue hell struck you.

I remember, a "brotherhood" once so strong,
the moral support and physical unity we had for each other
seems to be so impregnable.

It started so suddenly with him and me having just broken up,
each from our 1st relationship,
the nights we spent gazing at stars and wondering what others are thinking
whilst we were busy licking our wounds from the physical distance we have
from our EX girls when in the past, the distance seems to be negligible.

Life progressed with two whole weeks of incessant drinking to the moon
and talking about our past, this created a strong bond between us
as it was what we considered helping each other up from the fall.
After that, many of each of our close friends joined us in this "brotherhood",
that was how it started.

It only lasted for a year,
after so, we went our separate ways and he accused me of things that i never did,
stained my name and left just like that,
our friendship meant nothing from then on, his life was much more important,
i was at a loss, all the fun times we had, all the staying out at night,
all the vices that we shared, all the indulgence that we had,
seemed so trival.

No one will ever know, how that hurts inside when i see the same old window,
the window that we'd all climb through after my mom fell asleep,
the old eatery we always went to? i do not dare to return back there,
the shortcuts we used to take? i dare not enter,
the cafe we hangged out in has shifted, what luck.
the canal near my home, i have never went back down after this,
all these places hold phantoms of the past, the past that i loved.

Now that it's lost, what's the point?
just fuck off and die for all i care.
if this is the kind of friendship that you guys offer,
i'd rather not accept,
my raison d'etre is not you guys and never will be.
i was just fucking reminising the past,
don't think that i missed you,
i just missed the times.

And no! i don't wanna turn back time,
i don't need to, reminiscent is different from regret,
i don't need to change anything,
your distrust for me will only lead to my distrust for you,
pointless to try and change anything,
i don't speak up in my defence cause i thought
that you would actually have trusted me,
but you proved otherwise.

Adiós mis "AMIGOS"

thickening the mask and nourishing the devil@ {9:37 AM}

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