i see no reason, in hating your dad for hitting you..
i would pity him.. you find that that makes you unhappy?
how about, try working your ass off,
trying to satisfy your kid's material needs and wants?
i'm not saying that he's right..
yet, he's not entirely at fault.. his mind is weak..
very.. he wants to love you.. and he does.. yet,
he can't control his actions..
he feels that he, is spposed to be in control, as a "man"..
yet, he isn't.. and he sees that..
that frustration, is infinite.. you love your mom don't you?
cause he is able to keep your mom by your side..
with his senseless labour over money..
he lets your mom love you and look after you..
with his financial support..
and that alone, makes him feel useless,
for being unable to stay and help
bring up his precious daughter..
and your blaming him and bursting at him,
gives him a stronger feeling of hate for himself..
his drinking is not cause he likes it..
nobody really enjoys drinking..
for alcoholics, we drink to escape reality..
cause you are able to blame it on your drunk state..
but truth is, no matter how drunk you are, 30% of you,
s still wide awake.. and you'd know what's going on..
but you refuse to admit it's wrong..
cause now, you have something else to blame..
guys don't cry.. they've seasoned themselves..
so if they let it out, it's violence..
for me, i seek a more peaceful way of letting out sorrows..
drink till i puked.. smoke till i'm engulfed in the cigarette smoke..
in the smog, i cannot see the evils of the world..
in the vomitting i found sorrows poured down the drain.
i found comfort in these aspects of what odinary people disliked..
you're happy people.. you don't carry burdens that long..
i've dragged mine on since i had memory..
and i pulled on the facted that my only memories of my dad,
is that i'm being hit by him.. or my brother..
and the very last scene, him hitting my mom..
but i do not hate him..
i believed it was he, who made me strong..
made me who i am, and who i want to be...
he did it all too.. in a drunken stupor..
and as i said, he later apologised, blaming the alcohol..
for your info, alcohol is supposed to calm nerves..
but too much makes it intoxicating..
drink till i die.. that's my wish.. i can still control myself..
friends looking will only ask.. "are you ok?" when i vomit..
i can still smle.. i felt relieved.. infact..
relieved of my duties to act normal..
as i am deemed "drunk" and therefore unable to control my actions..
truth is.. i still am.. but i didn't want to..
sorry.. that my blog seems to be contridicting anyone elses,
but i know of these, as what life is..
for as i said, i'm one who seeks meaning..
and i prefer to look at things at a more personal observation.
so i did all these to myself to see how it really feels..
don't critisise me..