Monday, September 18, 2006
"if", i hated that word.. "if"..
"if" that word will never happen, "if" is a word used to push responsibility,
a word used to push all the blame to fate..
from day one, i like god, do not play with dice and believe in coincidences..
but recently, that believe has been challenged,
i started inputting that dreaded word in my head,
all the thoughts filled with "if"..
i always tell others, don't say "if.."
you should have done it.. don't go telling me "if"
events in my life start changing i find myself asking
"what IF i never see again?"
"what IF i never got to see again and you'd never appeared in my life again?"
"what IF i become useless cause i can't see"
"IF i had a chance to do things over, i would never have gotten into it.."
"IF i had never gotten into it.. would things have been different?"
all these "if" flooding me, i'm not used to mysel anymore,
i need reassurence of my existence, people who can give me that,
seem to have restrictions, it ain't their fault,
one's too far away, one has a jealous boyfriend and one, avoids me like fire from water..
get it? my life sucks more than a female mosquito sucks blood..
thickening the mask and nourishing the devil@ {12:45 AM}
